Wow, can't believe this day would come, when I finally feel like writing here again..
I guess after talking to everybody's secret best friend, ie ChatGPT about the same thing more than five times now - I should dump my thoughts here, and hope it'd finally go away.
Think I like someone.. Sounds stupid at this age fml. But really, it's kind of a big deal - I have only really liked four other people throughout my entire adult life (only two of which were never my partner)..
It's far-fetched, I'm fully aware. He's my (ex) boss. From different religion. I don't even know if he's married or not (extensive search in social media was unfruitful - other than LinkedIn which gave me literally nothing about his personal life. But damn is he career-driven. My type.). Probably different sexual orientation, even. I mean he looks good, fit. Probably is though. Totally possible.
But no, didn't like him initially just because he's fit.
Even after all these years, I still remember the exact moment when I started to feel something for S. That exact moment - when he got out of his car, after picking me up for my lunch break. I remember his plain maroon V-neck shirt, and I was wearing my favourite floral Cotton On blouse. God I remember literally everything. Not reminiscing the person (I'm so over him btw, just to be clear), but that exact moment - that sudden crashing wave of feeling that washed over me. That specific feeling..
Which I kinda felt again, after two weeks of working with this (ex) boss of mine. The exact moment when he spoke those words (it's about work, but I suddenly find him really funny and cute. I mean, when did he get funny and cute? I didn't feel anything at all just that morning, or the past two weeks). And after that, some of his texts (still about work) makes me wonder 'is he hitting on me?' HAHAH DELUSIONAL I KNOW. BUT I CAN'T HELP HOW I FEEL OR THINK, EVEN.
Whatever it is, I'm sure this feeling will fade away at some point. It already has, but I still miss seeing him around. I guess life goes on..
I once read somewhere that 'a crush is just a lack of information'. At first I kinda agree, I mean if I knew he's not single, gay or whatever, I probably would not have liked him as much. But when I think about it, I think that's not totally the case, no.
I do like him as a person, whether he's available or not. He's kind, soft-spoken, calm, kinda funny at times, but quiet mostly. He's smart. Mentally and physically, I mean he dresses REALLY well. I think all of his clothes and pants are tailored. I can go on honestly, but I should stop. If you're team Connie Baby and Stefan like I am, you get it. He IS Conrad and Stefan combined - well, minus the brooding.
On a positive note, this might be God's way to show me that I can actually feel again :)
