irony.

isn't it weird ; how you long for something so much, but when it comes to you then, you're suddenly avoiding it? suddenly realising that you actually despise it, and you're better off without it?

it's called irony. it's called life.

deal with it.

hey listen, you missed out.

why?

why come back?

why waste energy, yours and mine?

so unnecessary.

occasional "how are you"s are never gonna make me go tachycardic anymore, you see. and better still, there's a tinge of disgust di situ. sumpah, tak tipu.

seriously, go. leave.

vasovagal syncope.

vasovagal syncope (noun) : 
temporary loss of consciousness due to low blood pressure, with its mechanisms mediated by cranial nerve number ten, the vagus nerve.

#a not-so-intelligent definition from the super lazy mind of  'azlahmohdazhar's :S

 tips: papepon harus kekal random awesome ^_^

450 mLs of blood donated before isya' prayers, goal number 3 achieved :D

objective : sajer gedik nak document my experience of fainting for the first time. despite occasionally having low bp for already a few years now, i have never fainted. when moi postural hypotension strikes pon, i do lost my balance once in a while (inability to stand/walk straight. i keep on falling to my left/right), tapi syncope tak pernah kot. serious dowh :S

anyhooo, this is what happened. honestly, during isya' prayers i was still feeling perfectly fit, but came tarawikh i started to experience a tinge of dizziness. tapi somehow kan teringat meline cerita about this one particular DPHS lecture, on perception of health & illnesses. so i kept on reminding myself that this dizziness is just my perception only. perception perception perception. seriously, i was way too preoccupied to even hear pon imam tengah recite apa. and the next thing i knew, i felt a rush of blood gushing to my brain, and it all went blank, as black as night.

then everything felt so surreal, so dream-like. i remember feeling unsure, empty and lost. i remember hearing distant voices of people calling my name, pleading asking me to wake up. and it almost felt like my own subconscious mind was telling me that i have two choices tahu : either to stay there, lay as dead, or try to open my eyes and wake up. and i chose life *ceh ayat nak gedik je*. but yeah, it's not easy to lift my eyelids back then, and it's even harder to recognise the surrounding, that i was actually in the surau, that i fainted while praying.

it took me a while to gather myself, and to digest the surrounding. i was asked to rest and eat/drink something, and what i had in my bag were milo, folic acid & ferrous fumarate tablets, obtained during blood donation previously. so, not wanting to be choosy, telan jer la kan. and bersandar je kat tepi menangisi nasib diri. until it's tadarus time.

oh and i promised myself that i was going to finish the prescription. religiously. dah malas nak syncope. not cool :')

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and all that, is seriously real. no exaggerating (ok fine. probably a bit la). but hey, i still reckon this to be : memorable. serious kot :D

ps: thanks a bunch to those who wished and visited! terharu kot padahal sihat je esoknya hehe. syncope je pon, but still, thanks for caring. oh and this entry's for you :')