Harini dapat my very first credit card.
Not to mention I BOUGHT A HOUSE OMG.
Shit adulthood is scary.
Friday, June 10
Tuesday, April 19
In my mind
I guess once I realised I actually do love someone, I kinda freak out.
How did I realise? Honestly I have no idea. The last time we met, everytime I looked at him there's this feeling that I THINK is what people call love. I had to look away sometimes, because it just terrifies me.
Over the years I came to learn that with F, it was just probably lust (okay maybe 5% love). But this is something different.. and I like it.
Again when I fall - I hate falling too deep. Because nothing is certain and I just have to hold back and protect myself. Am I selfish? I don't know. I know my future husband will automagically appear when the time best suits me. I just hate not knowing whether he's the one or not - because frankly I really really really like him. I like talking to him, I like being around him, I like looking at him, I like how his mind works and God forgive me but I kept on imagining how kissing him would taste like. What would it feel like? Would we laugh when we make out? Do we just stare into each others' eyes? Or do I start telling him about that patient in that acute bed that has just died before I went back?
God I think too much. He would've freaked out.
I freak myself out too.
Gila perempuan ni.
How did I realise? Honestly I have no idea. The last time we met, everytime I looked at him there's this feeling that I THINK is what people call love. I had to look away sometimes, because it just terrifies me.
Over the years I came to learn that with F, it was just probably lust (okay maybe 5% love). But this is something different.. and I like it.
Again when I fall - I hate falling too deep. Because nothing is certain and I just have to hold back and protect myself. Am I selfish? I don't know. I know my future husband will automagically appear when the time best suits me. I just hate not knowing whether he's the one or not - because frankly I really really really like him. I like talking to him, I like being around him, I like looking at him, I like how his mind works and God forgive me but I kept on imagining how kissing him would taste like. What would it feel like? Would we laugh when we make out? Do we just stare into each others' eyes? Or do I start telling him about that patient in that acute bed that has just died before I went back?
God I think too much. He would've freaked out.
I freak myself out too.
Gila perempuan ni.
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